Cooking With Seamus: KielbaSarah

(introducing Shrinking Seamus)

“A barbeque?” Sarah said to herself, looking at her computer screen in confusion. “Today? That’s kind of short notice, I wonder why she didn’t tell me about it sooner.” Sarah and her friend Magdalene were IMing online and Magdalene had informed Sarah in a message mid-conversation that she was having a barbeque at her house today in an hour and that Sarah should come by. In the next message that she typed out, Sarah asked “Sure I’ll come but why didn’t you tell me about it before? And who else is gonna be there?”

Magdalene took a moment to type back but her message appeared in pink on the screen after a few seconds. “Um, I kinda decided to have it last minute. And just about everyone is gonna be here, all of our friends, in fact some people are here already, you should come over now.”

Sarah was a little confused about how urgent Magdalene seemed in her messages and how desperately she seemed to want Sarah over. But Sarah shrugged and typed back: “Okay girl, I’ll head over right now. Should I bring anything?”

“No… just bring you ” was what Magdalene’s next message read. Once again Sarah vaguely thought that was kind of a weird way for her best friend to respond, but she changed into some cute clothes, put on some makeup and was on her way to Magdalene’s house. She had no idea she was walking into a trap set by a hungry predator, who wanted to devour pretty little Sarah, right down to her cute little nose.

While Sarah was walking toward Magdalene’s house something else was going on at Magdalene’s and it was no barbeque. In fact there were only two people at the house and they were both in Magdalene’s room at her computer. Magdalene was off to the side tied to a chair whimpering with duck tape across her mouth, and sitting in front of her computer was a lanky young man with curly blonde hair. His name was Seamus, a friend of a friend of Sarah and Magdalene’s. Sarah had never liked Seamus very much, she thought he was a little odd and always used to poke fun at him behind his back. The trouble was, that information had gotten back to Seamus and he was eager and hungry for revenge. He had sent the last few messages to Sarah online pretending to be Magdalene, for the purpose of luring her into a trap that he had been planning for quite a while and he was now going to put into effect. He chuckled, clapping his hands together when Sarah said she was on her way. He turned to the bound and gagged Magdalene who was crying and struggling against the rope and whimpering. “That tasty little treat is on her way,” he informed Magdalene in his Irish accent, examining the handheld machine in his hand that resembled a metal squirt gun. It was actually a shrink ray that he had finally invented recently after trying for years. “MMM, and I hope she gets here soon, I am hungry,” he said, rubbing his stomach.

He stood from the chair suddenly and spoke to Magdalene. “Well, I have to go prepare the rest of my trap, now that my lunch is on her way. I hope you don’t mind if I use your grill in the backyard Magdalene.” He walked toward the door and he heard Magdalene squeal and whimper through her tears and the duck tape. The words were not audible but he could tell that she had said something like “Please don’t hurt my friend!” He just chuckled and walked out the door.

He put on the white apron that said “Kiss me I’m an Irish Cook,” on it, grabbed a hotdog bun, and some condiments and trimmings from the kitchen and headed out to the back yard by the grill. This was going to be the best lunch ever, very much worth such a long wait of putting up with insults and teasing from that yummy little brat Sarah. His stomach growled and he rubbed it again smiling.
A moment later, Sarah came into Magdalene’s backyard wearing her miniskirt and tight tank top. She looked at Seamus surprised, and looked around. “Um… hi Seamus,” she said slowly. “Where is everyone and where’s the food? Isn’t there a barbeque going on here?”

“Well, yeah there is lass,” Seamus said in his accent with a wide and eager smile, looking over Sarah’s succulent little Asian body up and down. He could not wait to taste those tender little legs, those perky breasts, and he just wanted to nibble on that little exposed belly a little bit. “But the guest list has been shortened a little, it’s just me and you… And there IS food actually, but only one of us is going to be eating.” He chuckled slowly.

Before Sarah could even tell Seamus that she had no idea what he was talking about Seamus had raised his shrink ray and fired its yellow beam at Sarah. She shrunk rapidly, within seconds she went down closer to the ground. Now she was only five inches tall. She was already tiny before, but even for her this was very, very little. “What?” she said in a tiny squeak of a voice, looking around at everything so big now. The grill and the picnic table looked like skyscrapers now and she saw Seamus’s shoes and they looked like huge ships now. “What happened, why am I so tiny?” she screamed in fear. Then she screamed again when she saw Seamus’s hand that now looked like the size of a camping tent coming down towards her with its fingers curled. She screamed and scampered away and hid behind a leg of the picnic table, shaking with fear and biting her nails. What did giant Seamus want?

Seamus chuckled, looking around on the ground for any signs of the tiny runaway morsel. She would not escape. “Oh little Sarah, where are you?” he said, walking around and looking in the grass and under the grill. “You know you won’t get very far on those tiny little legs… which by the way look MMM MM tasty today.” He continued to search around the backyard for her. He began to chant playfully “Fee Fie Foe Fum, I smell the blood of a little Asian lass, be she shrunken or be she grown, I’ll smother her in hot sauce and grill her little ass.”

Little shrunken Sarah, still hiding under the picnic table had to cover her mouth with her tiny hands to keep from screaming when she heard that chant. Then she kneeled down, hiding in the shadow chewing her nails again. “Oh no… he wants to eat me? No, I don’t wanna be food.” She pressed her little body up against the table leg as hard as she could trying to hide herself from view, whimpering and crying in fear. “Please don’t let him find me… Why would he wanna eat me?”

As Seamus looked for Sarah in the shrubs with a hotdog bun in one hand and a pair of grill tongs in the other he chuckled. “That little bitch has mocked my accent for the last time. Now I am a big hungry giant with a hotdog bun. And I am about to make me a Sarah dog!... Hmm, no I don’t like that, anyone could have thought of “Sarah dog,” um… Oh, a Bitch on a Bun!... Nah, the alliteration’s alright there, but it has to be more personal towards her… Oh, I got it, a kielbaSarah! Yeah that’s it, I am gonna make me a tasty, succulent little kielbaSarah.”

Sarah continued to hide under the shadow of the table whimpering and crying. She waited a little while and she did not hear Seamus’s footsteps or voice anymore. Maybe he was gone. Cautiously she stuck her tiny head out around the massive table leg, seeing if it was safe to escape. Just when the coast looked clear, a giant foot stepped down right next to her making her scream and then Seamus’s giant smiling, wide-eyed face crouched down looking directly at her. There was a small trickle of drool coming from his hungry mouth. “Yoohoo, I see you down there little yummy Sarah,” he said eagerly. Before Sarah could even attempt to run the cold metal tongs had trapped her and she was being lifted up.

“No, no, put me down please!” Sarah begged, struggling against the large utensil. When she was brought up to stare into hungry Seamus’s leering and ravenous eyes she cried and tears poured out. “Please don’t eat me Seamus. Please don’t grill me… I’m pretty sure that might hurt a lot.”

“You know something little Sarah, you’re in luck,” Seamus said, walking over towards the grill. “I was so excited for all of this that I actually forgot to even lit the grill. So it looks like you’re not getting barbequed, because now I can’t wait that long. I’m hungry NOW and I have my prey!” He leered down at her. “I guess I have to eat my kielbaSarah whole and alive!”

Sarah whimpered and cried even more as Seamus placed her on her back in the open hotdog bun. He chuckled eagerly as he picked up the ketchup and relish bottles. “Yum… yum…” he said to himself softly, squirting condiments all up and now Sarah’s little exposed belly and thighs as she bit her nails more and whimpered. Then he added a dab of mustard right on her little feet.

When she saw Seamus going for a bowl of diced onions, Sarah protested a little. “Wait, Seamus please, no onions, I’m allergic to those.”

“Good,” Seamus said, sprinkling some onto her over the relish. “Maybe you’ll swell up a little and there will be more of you to eat! Somehow you turned out a little tinier than I thought, you’re more of a snack than a meal aren’t you?”

As Seamus picked up his delicious kielbaSarah, ready to chow down, Sarah desperately opened her mouth to say something else, beg to be let go. But she was silenced immediately as Seamus shoved a little baked bean in her tiny mouth to shut her up. Now she was only producing panicked little muffled grunts. “Quiet down bite size,” Seamus said.

He lifted up the kielbaSarah and turned it so her head faced his gaping mouth with the spread jaws, pulled back tongue and open, welcoming throat. Slowly he began to push the whimpering Sarah in his mouth. He closed his mouth around the entire thing, bun and all. He moved it around in his mouth a little, savoring the flavor. Her boobs tasted wonderful with the relish and her feet were so sweet with that little dab of mustard that he sucked on them a little. Then he tasted her little tummy covered in ketchup. This may have been the best thing he had ever eaten. He almost didn’t want to swallow. But he had to because she was struggling a lot now, she was trying to get free of the bun. Without delay Seamus swallowed hard. She went down head first, followed by her little tasty body, flavorful legs and wiggling feet. Slowly he felt her hit the stomach.

“Well that was delicious,” he said smacking his lips. “Better than any hotdog or burger I ever ate before even though she was raw. Only problem is now I wish I had seconds.” He looked down at his shrink ray and thought. “Hmm…” he had seen a hamburger bun in the kitchen, and he still had plenty of condiments. And he remembered that he still had Magdalene tied up upstairs. Maybe he would have seconds after all. He licked his lips and brought his shrink ray back into the house anxiously. What would he call this one? “Magdalene Burger?” he thought. “No, a… A Big Mag! That’s it, yeah instead of Big Mac.” He smiled and made his way upstairs with the shrink ray. “Hey Magdalene, do I have good news for you!” He stopped suddenly and went back downstairs, just remembering something. He grabbed the lighter fluid and went out to the grill. He was not going to forget to light it this time.

THE END